He was the last kill I made before the ceasefire. This left me a bit without purpose. Sort of how I like it really. Gives me more opportunity to chase kismet. And that I did. I'd been wanting to go to the Flat Earth Society ball the last week of the war. So I headed south west again. It was a long and slow journey. I managed to find some lovely new clothes to suit the formal occasion on the way though. And also, noticed a few buildings had become so derelict and overgrown with weeds and fungus that it's become almost impossible to see where one is shooting.
Almost...
Not impossible.
I found out some time later that these two had been engaging in "fisticuffs" for sport and competition. It was not my intention to break up their brawl and I sincerely hoped they would continue with their epic battle, clash of the titans, chariots of fire, etc. It's not like death really makes any difference in this town. At least their heads were still relatively intact when I left them bleeding on the floor. Consider that most zombies have their heads blown to bits and reform overnight! That would make for one helluva hangover. In fact, I recall such an experience, immediately before my very first kill here in Malton. And before that, several experiments of a similar nature that left me with only the slightest pin prick scar at the base of my skull...
Such predicaments, I must forge ahead!
And that I did, down the road from Mornington, all the way down to the south-western most corner of Malton, New Arkham. It's such an odd little town with odd little people. Odd little people all around me. I hadn't even arrived at the ball but apparently my reputation preceeded me. And the weirdness didn't stop there, I can assure you. No wonder people talk about this town like it's some sort of backwood. I've always thought it was just talk. Now I know for certain. New Arkham is full of freaks, weirdos, perverts, hillbillies and aliens. Not that this is a bad thing. Hell, I'll admit I'm a bit of a weirdo at times. But I am grateful that Simon Orne didn't take advantage of my unconscious state. I sure would like to know where these rumours that tuttle spoke of started though. As it is the most convenient, I blame Karloth. His death will be accompanied with tea and biscuits. But I digress...
The Flat Earth Society was right at home in New Arkham. And of course I met some friends there. Vigeous was actually one of the people who first inspired me to get into this line of work, though I can't imagine he remembers what he said or indeed, who he said it to. And LeChuck was there too! You'll remember that, whilest we were sleeping in the same museum in Dulston, he tried to dance with me but being somewhat tired, and subsequently rather graceless in this state, I couldn't join him. So, upon entering the ball, I offered him a dance...NO not a lap dance. I was merely suggesting that now I'd acquired sufficient dexterity to boogie on down as a zombie that maybe we could engage in some ZANZ!NG. He took it to be some sort of come on. What can one expect from a brain rotted pirate though, really? Ah, he's not all that bad really, after all, his work is noble.
But there were plenty of new faces around too. I was rather sad to meet these lovely, strange fellows on their curtain call. So many wonderful people in Malton. Alas, I simply cannot shoot them all. I can try though. And The Supreme court seems to be on a mission to slap everyone with a newspaper at least 18 times...Oh yes, there were toasts and taunts a plenty. But it wasn't all games. The Bluefish gave us all a demonstration on gravity. A phone call made by certain doctor brought the tone down quite a bit.
But I could not stay. Personal business was calling me away. I'd avoided it for long enough. My goodbyes were short and sweet and I headed North East again, through Lockettside where I found the very lovely Bootsy Funk, towards South Blythville. A child, a little girl who's been like family to me since coming back to Malton, had a rather horrid experience here. First she was murdered by a fellow by the name of RFKzombiekiller. The aftermath of this shook through the community. Seems that RFK is a pederast (and quite possibly a necrophiliac.) I won't go into details. But the perpetrator was in a gang by the name of Team Zombie Hardcore who were also involved in a turf war with Malton Skeet Club and the Brain Rot Revive Clinic. This crime naturally came up as part of their public discussion. There was a whole lot of victim blaming, bullying of the victim's friends and relatives as well as false accusations flying around about the victim and her advocates. Most of the one's speaking up for RFK were members of TZH. So I did a little reading.
Team Zombie Hardcore are a small, but over-zealous cult of survivors. They're dedicated to the worship of Mark Wahlberg, (formerly "Marky Mark" of the Funky Bunch,) and "awesomeness." (An interesting aside: I think I'm developing a little crush on Doctor Tom.) They're also anti-zombie. They're not all bad though...in fact they make excellent victims since they are so averse to death and dying, that they'll kick and whinge and cause a huge scene after the fact. I don't believe in ghosts, but I imagine that if there such a thing that TZH are the type of people who would come back to haunt me with internet memes and the occasional mysterious scent of beer sweat.
Naturally I had words with the people involved. Talk is cheap though. Violence is much better value.
A few Philosophe Knights had been stalking the area with the intention to give TZH a lesson in proper etiquette. As had BrainROT rum. And this is where Malton's College of Medicine comes into the story. While I was happily living it up with the Flat Earth Society and their entourage assorted weirdos, Dhavid Grohl, the leader and representative of TZH or at least, the most vocal member of the group, was harassing a couple of my friends in the Malton College of Medicine, although, the impression I got was that he had been harassing the entire college with his foul language and general reprobatedness. But the two who had been primary targets of his verbal assaults were Valeria and Hikari. Since these two had stood up for the little girl I previously mentioned, Dhavid had been pestering my friends in the college and taking advantage of the proposed cease fire in effect on campus. The Philosophe Knights will not kill people inside a learning institution. BrainROT rum won't kill those that advocate on behalf of brain rotted survivors. Since the Malton College of Medicine falls into both these catagory, both Valeria and Hikari honored the agreement. Not that they didn't want to kill Grohl. But it seems their sense of honor stood firmly in the way of their thirst for Dhavid's blood.
Conversely, I am not bound by any rules. I kill who I like, whenever I like, wherever I like. There are certain people, people that I respect, people I don't want dead and people who I don't believe deserve to die yet, who will not taste the heat of my muzzle. About the only restriction I tend to place on my work is that of excessive slaughter. Okay I lie. I don't even adhere to that. But I don't tend to revisit my victims. At least, not without good reason.
This is a good reason: you fuck with my friends, I fuck back. And I have a lot of friends. Sometimes I like to bring them with me.
It was a simple gesture.
So I kept to the point.
Dipcup had some issues restraining his enthusiasm.
No need for the good people of MCM to go without a show though.
Though they were a chatty bunch. Emmy Jay piped up immediately after to protest. As did Prof John. I decided not to torment them for much longer as I had much more interesting things to do, like sleeping. After all, I had a full and busy day planned for the next day.
I was rather tempted, but I really only came back for one thing.
One of my more famous friends was good enough to drop by...
And indeed it was a fun lesson.
But this was starting to be de ja vu for me all over again. I retired to Gummy Bank with Dirty Girl and Valeria. Unfortunately some rather dodgy looking men in trenchcoats came and evacuated us.
That was not an issue, I wandered over to the Pippard Building and was revived almost instantaneously by Valeria. Convenience has would have it that Chooper was sitting in the building when I awoke.
One head is as good as another really. And death can really hurt a brain rotted survivor if there isn't a good brain rot revive clinic in the area. I restocked and headed over to Club Antel where I was joined by a friend by the name of Falcon Talon who I had known from a previous trip to Stanbury Village before I left Malton. We swapped stories and drank and eventually passed out. Falcon had murdered Dhavid while I was restocking too. It's nice to have friends.
Upon waking up, I'd noticed that Falcon had recieved several gunshot wounds. A rather obnoxious chap by the name of OneEyedJhack was waving his pistol around and shouting obscenities. I didn't have any drugs on me at the time otherwise I'd have healed my friend myself. I woke Falcon up gently and he healed himself. Jhack was going on about Dhavid being killed and how killers deserve to die and how hard it was to kill someone in a building in such a horribly derilect state. I decided not to engage him since it would require more effort to shut him the hell up again. But I did point out that he had in fact murdered some people and how silent killers make me sad and left it at that. He swore at me as I left. I didn't quite catch what he was babbling about. Something about people who destroy generators deserving to die. Malton is such a fickle materialistic place. Most people value property over life. Anywho, this guy was not pleasant. I decided to wander back over to the hospital to see if i could see Dhavid in there again. He'd not been revived. So I scouted a little north hoping to find some other tasty target.
As it happens I did. However, this one i decided to play with a little. I watched shotgun ed sleep. It didn't do me any favors, I nodded off momentarily and was awoken by the sting of several bullets piercing through my flak jacket. It didn't take much to make bishop's attack even harder. It didn't deter him. But I had to commend his efforts. I was still in need of medical assistance, so I decided to head back to St George's Hospital. I wandered in and sat next to Hikari dropping some gummy bears on the lecturn as I entered. Unfortunately I couldn't bare the overly dramatic survivors for long. I did try to calm them down and assure them that I wasn't there to kill them. But paranoia is pretty much part of life here in Malton. Especially amongst the younger ones. So I gadded about greentown for a little while restocking and scouting and finally came to rest down in Dartside. As fate would have it, I was in the right place at the right time to meet a certain famous firefighter. Just a little too early however to meet the infamous Mister Karelin. I didn't have time to hang around and wait for him. I had a meeting in Marven.
Of course, that little bit of dirty work didn't put me off meeting and chatting with one of Maltons most famous killers, SiIIyLiIlyPilly. Actually, she's in a group of girls that run wild around Malton all claiming to be the same person. I love this idea. Pathetic Bill is another one that does this. In fact, Pathetic Bill and Silly Lilly Pilly were also some people who inspired me to start this line of work. Indeed, I had a long fun filled day. It didn't take much to get me off guard. And as I was wandering around looking to top off this day, I found Hikari...Rather she found me. Just as I was being shot by SuicideKhing. While this was indeed rather irksome, I took it in my stride. I have come to expect death lurking in the corner of a club. It doesn't stop me from partying there. Hikari seems more sensitive and prone to worrying about these sorts of things. She swore vengeance, and got it in the end.
The next day, I was revived and wandered back inside. It didn't take much to find OneEyedJhack again.
Naturally, I look after my friends. And I enjoy giving tips to aspiring killers, regardless of how these murderers might feel about me.
Claiming bounties is not really my bag though. Where's the fun in killing a murderer? White hats are so dull. I mean really, bounty hunters are just murderers with more specific targets. Why hunt when you can kill at random and cause further confusion and chaos? Eh, I suppose I could give it a shot...Okay, that was a terrible pun. I'll give it a go one day though. For now, I'm having way too much fun killing for my own enjoyment.
Speaking of fun, you'll recall Matroskin from one of my many trips through the most swinging suburb in Malton, Pitneybank. I ran into him whilest chatting with yet another friend I'd met in Gibsonton. I love it when the fun follows me around. Screw Names was a sweetheart to patch me up after that little incident, too. As I wandered back up to the mall, I did see Matroskin again however I wasn't particularly inclined to say hi.
Someone I did want to say hi to was KILLFASTER, another Philosophe Knight whom I'd only been vaguely acquainted with before.
I do hope I didn't give him the wrong impression.
I'm not inclined to snatch a kill out from under a person like that.
But he was sort of dozing at the barrel.
Tsk. I have been bad this week. Even the Duke seemed to be avoiding me this week. Killing students and taunting Philosophe Knights...it's hardly surprising. Must be the something in the air of this suburb. Vigilis says that he'll have to give me a reprimand for killing in the college. Not that I'd mind punishment at his hands...
But at least I had fun. And to top it off, Lonely Killer gave me a rather touching send off. Such a sweet kid. And smart, too. Alas, it didn't last long. But I managed to give him something to remember me by. Pinatas are not usually my style but then, getting shot isn't either.
Ah it's been a great week. I've had a ball and even managed to get my 100th kill.
It was a rather subdued affair.
Pole is not really the location I'd have chosen had I realised I was nearing a landmark. But I was on the move and took the opportunity to unwind a little. I do hope bienjii will look me up one of these days. It'd be nice to let her know that her murder was in fact unique from the 101 others.
Tonight I sleep alone as it's business as usual in the morning.
