This time in Millen Hills. Three humans died last night.
But there's more I need to tell you before I elaborate. A whole lot more...
Since my last entry, I've killed 50 people. You'll have to excuse me, the details are somewhat...sketchy. Perhaps it was the drugs from Creedystock...maybe subliminal messages in the music...or perhaps it was the all the dying and revivifying...I just...
I don't even know why I do it anymore.
Oh wait...Because it's FUN!
HA!
Well dear friends, last time we left off I had the pleasure of being served up to a brain rotted baby with AU10. Cillive popped up to wherever the hell it was and revived me so I could bum around for a few days and check out the area. Roftwood is supposedly one of Malton's premier party destinations. Sadly it was mostly ruined. The zombies didn't seem too interested in anything other than food and, in spite of the ostentatious oral skills demonstrated by the RRF, I wasn't particularly interested in getting eaten again. It was back to business in Buttonville.
And my job there was merely to hang about and cause some mischief without bloodying my hands. This isn't to say that I didn't indulge a little. Captain J Quinones was quietly executed for crimes against fashion.
Then it was back to bumming around again. There was the occasional assault, threats, and maybe a little poetry, vandalism and death here and there. I never realized how dull just surviving was until I did this Buttonville job. It's not like I have a problem resisting the urge to act on impulse, it's just so boring not acting on it.
So I wandered down to Shickell Arms to do a little kareoke for an audience of friendly incapacitated locals. I got to the second verse as Fliptop dropped from sipping just a bit too much red rum. At least Mr Pompeii, the proprietor of the Shickell Arms, was understanding about the mess I left in my wake. Ah! Grimchie is in that picture! Handing me muffincake. Grimchie has since contracted brain rot. I'm going to go all misty eyed...We only ever had brief encounters in Malton, however we'd been coresponding for some time. It always saddens me to hear a fellow hunter has hung up his holster. Rot in pieces, Grim.
Anyhow, I had been expecting the Duke to show up and help me finish the Sinatra classic, but apparently some upstart young bounty hunter by the name of Strayla had occupied his attention that evening.
It's always the way. Bounty hunters have no sense of flair or showmanship. And this town was starting to even resent that we were brining it to them. Indeed, a day or so later I was given the leave town by sunset speach by a fellow from a gang of sharp shooters known as The Randoms. It suited me fine. I was missing Pitneybank already. However, after a revive, I decided to take the opportunity to lodge a complaint with one of these Randoms. Apparently this was some sort of come on, or at least that's how Jack saw it as, later on that night whilest I was resting in West Grayside, I received an amorous text from him.
I found a lovely little club in Kempsterbank the next day but I couldn't stand to stick around in such a small town for long. I ended up moving on to Stanbury Village where I dropped in on Rotter's Relief to meet a couple of local celebrities who were cutting ribons or performing brain surgery or hosting a telethon or something. I'm quite accustomed to the camera, but xelro it seems was just a little startled by the flash. Strange for someone who claimed to be from Channel 4 News Team. But then, C4NT don't seem to be the brightest bulbs in the box. I hear they can't even speak zamgrh.
A brief tour through Roftwood again. I guess I was hoping to find more signs of life this time around. I found Jack. JackOrtiz that is. He was simply too dull to live. Later on that same day I came across a few injured people in a factory. I'm nothing if not helpful so I was grateful to practice a little of my anaesthetic skills on Le bourreau. I offered some assistance to the others however Stealth Squid decided it was time to show me how much he loved me...bloody crustaceans. I was about to stand up and eat him. I'm quite fond of calamari but I was headed back to Pitneybank and I knew a needle and a welcoming commitee would be waiting for me. Roftwood is a shadow of what it used to be.
It was another wham bam tour, shooting up army men. Kas Tuk was the first to taste the lead outside the gatehouse. Yeah yeah, I know shooting newbies is bad blah blah blah. It was one bullet in the wrong place etc. ad nauseum. Hey if they didn't expect to die, they wouldn't be in Malton. I've always maintained that people who whine about dying deserve to die more than any zombie, murderer or bounty hunter in town. I felt more sorry for the zombies I'd denied a meal. Regardless, I made up for it by going inside to remove Deletion from life. He headshot some poor hapless random zombie only a minute before I decided to shoot him so I figure he had it coming. I put a fair bit of work into the barricades and thanked the people of the gatehouse before stepping outside to offer myself up as a snack.
The next few days were very relaxing. I spent quite a bit of time shopping and hanging out in clubs and cinemas of the area and learned I've actually got a few friends in the area that I never knew about. There is a wonderfully strange little lab in Peppardville that I've become quite fond of...If only the CDF didn't stalk it so often.
Anyhow, it was through a chance encounter that led me to find yet another Saint. Cameron Vale was actually just the most convenient target. Coming straight off the bat of being stabbed nine times, I'm entitled to be a little grumpy. But I'd been over stepping my boundaries as a guest in this town it seems. At least, that's what the CDF thought. And of all people, they sent a 'spider' who was more afraid of me than I was of him to scare me into leaving. Well, it wasn't long before someone else came along and did the job properly, by firstly informing me that I had been placed on a black list and to ask the CDF to remove me from it. So I wandered back over to the fort. I took the opportunity to indulge in a little RED RUM outside with none other than idiot extraordinaire, Blake Firedancer before going inside and asking nicely to be taken off the list. I let it sit for a day. I even joined their forums but was banned after an attempt to free some minds. All I said was "Think for yourself." Did I mention that the list I'm on is because I'm a member of Red Rum? That's right! And apparently I hacked their boards by joining and posting in the public area. OH! And the most important part of this: I'm banned from the board. This means that even if I leave Red Rum, I'll still be black listed. Basically I'm blacklisted in Pitneybank in the classical sense: there is no forgiveness, no repentence, no hope for salvation. A number of other hunting club members seem to have been blacklisted, too. Such logical and friendly people those Creedyites.
So after exhausting all efforts to right this wrong, it was time for a little shot gun diplomacy some more red rum. And more red rum...And no one can accuse me of not being polite. Apparently the CDF didn't care that two of their guys died because they're pig ignorant. So I took it to their "leader". A "numbernamed blowhard" as I've heard the kids say around the traps. I gave her the benefit of doubt though. Or at least, my shotgun did.
They sent 'spider' again. It was mildly entertaining watching him scuttle away to safety but it was time to leave again though. So I wandered back over to the fort and made a broadcast inside, just to let the Fort Dwellers know that there were no hard feelings and headed back to (ack,) Buttonville again.
I was distracted this time though by a rather shiney prize in Houldenbank. Someone I'd been hunting since The Big Bash siege at Giddings, and as a matter of fact, this "man" was rather rude to me. And so I was only too happy to return his gesture.
Three more distractions in the axtence building kept me from making my way further south the next day.
And even more distractions pulled me back north towards Stanbury over the next few days.
I'd almost given up on heading back to Buttonville as I'm not fond of backtracking...but I flipped a coin, the Duke called it, and as a result he called me down to Buttonville. I had spent the night attempting to act like a survivor and trying to help out one of the more famous survivors in Malton during his send off party. By now you probably all know how surviving ends for me... So I stood up again and shuffled down to Buttonville. It was a lovely event, in spite of getting shot not once but twice. I believe I missed the ending. It didn't matter since I now had a purpose to my visit, other than simply observing some murders.
Mike and I had resolved to hunt down the two shooters for being bad sports. I stocked up before I came down this way. I just love the feel of a full load. 7 fully loaded pistols, 5 loaded shotguns and 7 clips. Just for Anita Moorhead and Robert Halftree. They didn't stand a chance although Anita seemed to think she did. Mike found her standing around in the North East corner of Buckley Mall. She ran, but not far...Let me just say, I really enjoy live fights. Really. If you see me shooting at someone I'd sooner you shoot me than heal my target, because you're gonna get shot either way. Better you go down fighting than wasting a first aid kit on some stranger. Right where was I? Oh yes, Anita. Well were done with the foreplay. Anita died. We added a little show for the witnesses, who seemed appreciative, but I was already onto the next one.
Billy Mcgoggenhammer slept soundly in some dive of an Auto Repair shop not 2 blocks away from our last murder. Mike and I decided to take this opportunity rather than searching for Robert and we were rewarded with a lovely picture of the deed.
Why Billy? He knows what he did.
The very next day, I found Robert Halftree sitting in the NE corner of Buckley. Odd that this pair would discourage me for camping in a mall and then turn around and do exactly the same thing. Well! Robert died too. I really need to learn to take advantage of modern conveniences such as dopey, lazy mallrats more often.
I wandered over to the Shickell Arms, made some pancakes for JackASCII and Akofus and slept outside that night. After 3 nights in Buttonville I decided it was time to leave again. I wandered back north and found a nice little spot in Peppardville to rest. In the morning, I checked my messages and headed off into town to do some more shopping and catch a movie with some of my friends from Mostly Harmless. Alas, our various blacklistings had a couple of us ejected from the cinema. It didn't matter much. At least they were friendly about it this time. And Pitneybank still loved me more than ever.
It gave me a little more time to shop. A bit more time to socialise with some locals and the Marquis Le Grande and a certain Mister Ortiz. Not THE JackOrtiz that I murdered in Roftwood. Perhaps his dopleganger eh? He certainly was lacking some brains, perhaps due to the nasty infection. But he continued firing on me whilest infected. This was silly, so I shambled back over to Walrond but Jack followed me and continued shooting at me. Fortunately, I could still smell him and it wasn't long before I got a revive. I had no interest in shooting such a silly civillian though but I did tip Mike off to his whereabouts. I'm told Mike introduced him to his knife.
The main reason I came back to Pitneybank was to have some fun with Mostly Harmless who are a group of travelling ex-convicts and/or deli products that enjoy a good shanking. The most delicious Zombie in Pajamas had been so touched by my autograph during Creedystock that he asked me to tag along and whilest I was lurking in Vinetown, Lejes dropped by to inform me that Zombie in Pajamas hadn't washed his ass since I signed it. I simply couldn't allow THAT to continue so I decided to visit him in person once more and offered to tattoo the signature. It never happened, but I did get to join the group on their most deadly of missions: Operation Reload. The night was clear and a lone owl was serenading the stars as we scaled the walls of Giddings only to find a sliding door on the first floor, wide open and enterable from the roof of an auto repair shop next door. So we all piled inside, or at least, they did, I was still sleeping at Walrond Square. When I woke up I saw the ropes and knew that they'd begun without me so I scurried inside Bromley Auto Repair and into the south western corner of Giddings.
When I got there, the operation was mostly done. I just came in on the end of it. I did run into a friend I'd met in Davenport Cinema though. They had to step out of the movie early, so I
By this stage quite a few of my friends had shown up for the laughs. Mike LeGrande, Venetia Phair, Civille, and a number of other infamous miscreants were found chilling in some of Pitneybank's many wonderful night spots. I met a lovely gentleman who goes by the title Professor Boognish in some rather dodgy accomodations in Peppardville. Then it was back to the fort Where I shot Officer Ryleigh and someone else...it was either a guy called Zaarik or Atticus064. Not sure exactly my memory is a little raw after all this death.
I had a brief meeting with my public. I've yet to see Professor Boognish again. I hope he's doing well. Unfortunately that movie ended with Mister Selene killing one of my friends. But Thug wandered off westwards and it was time to visit someone who's been on my list of things to do for quite some time. I had no excuse until recently to pay ZBQW a visit. So I let him know the score. He seemed to take it quite well.
And it was back to relaxing and letting things happen. I stumbled across one of ZBQW's team mates in the mall while I was handing some of my shopping backs to Bladistorkum to carry. I couldn't help but kill this guy. He was asking for it after all. So I gave Asrei an opportunity to gain some real world experience; just a taste of the dangers of his chosen profession.
By now you can probably tell that this wasn't such a relaxing vacation. I dealt nearly daily with these fascists from CDF so it wasn't surprising nor impressive when a group of us were ejected from Harnap cinema. Myself, a couple of rummers and a local environmentalist took an opportunity to remove these amature bounty hunters from the Sprod building. Unfortunately we're missing a couple pics of that. But the end was rather cathartic. Sir Jakob, ladies and gentlemen, a fine showman and upstanding minister in the church of Kevan and all around classy guy. Those bodies lying on the floor are the work of myself, Mike LeGrande and Major Snafu. So was the zombie Squishier.
Then it was back to the fort again. It was all getting a little repetitive and dull. I had taken to sleeping in the mall just to see how long I could stay alive there. And indeed, it was appropriate for my 100th death. But I had not yet paid my respects to Pluto for the latest DORIS campaign, so I delivered a gift to Shadowsnipe from Lord Pluto. Pluto is a generous deity apparently. So who was I to deny Marcus Banes some of his gifts as well?
I retired for the night and slept quite soundly. The next evening I decided to break things up a little by playing a little roulette with Raedar but Duke cleaned us both out at the end of the night at the craps table.
I picked myself up and shuffled off to the revive point. The next couple days were a little blurry. I had died more than a hundred times by then. I do however remember shooting Bladistorkem in the fort. Only because I have these photographs. And I do seem to recall he was shooting me at a revive point at one stage. Like I said, its a blur. I've got 50+ deaths on my hands since my last blog, cut me a little slack. I also remember sleeping 24 hours in Giddings before Pedders paid me a visit.
And then it was back to the fort...shooting zombie spies like Paul Ravenclaw.
I also gave the rude, inept and style challenged ;Hmelly Eggs an opportunity to inspect the local revive services. I hear it pleased him. And engaged in a little recreational "drug" use in Giddings to fill the space in time.
Yeah, I know I have a problem. I've actually spoken to several people about it. Most of them were very helpful, much like Andrew Quaney. And Light Yagumi was right there behind him, being supportive. Mathew Blackburn offered some help too. I never thought this would turn into an intervention. So I decided it was time to leave town and find some help elsewhere.
I wandered westward towards Tynte Mall. A Very Handsome Fellow was rather helpful. And I was starting to at least come out of denial. So I lingered in Peppardville a little longer and did a little shopping for a trip up to the Curton Manor. Well, I say a little...it actually was rather heavy. Fortunately Chivalry is not dead as Leccy Kev and Manuel Davis were happy to demonstrate. And I was off to Santlerville.
Apparently this place is where party central fled to when Roftwood went under, or there at least has to be a bartending college somewhere in town. Two of them were serving up Red Rum on this night. Ryulong served me up a nice glass of Red Rum in Dowdney, then drek47 of zombra's pub up in Pashenton was happy to pour me one more.
After receiving all this help for my problem, I was looking to give something back. And I landed in Chancelwood just in time. Letit out was my first client. It was pure coincidence that I stumbled across a zombie spy during my rounds and dispatched with him before moving on to the local police station to assist some of the down trodden and ever so vigilant officers of Orders Crescent.
Unfortunately I didn't get to drop in on the mighty Haslock Building as it was ruined while I was in town. I did manage to grab a lovely fur coat from the Curton Mansion though. And Axelady was begging to be revived there.
I strayed a little further west down to Shearbank to restock and rest a little but it wasn't long before I was back to helping survivors in poor health with their pain. I was actually on my way back to Chancelwood when I stumbled on The Muller Building which seemed to have sustained a rather servere zombie break in. Several people were injured inside, I could only help put three of them out of their misery: CrAzY KilLeR JaY123, Corinthia and Tim McMurder. So, before I collapsed with exhaustion, I told the others to seek medical assistance closer to an urban center. I don't think they listened though as tonight the building is ransacked. Shame, one of them was MMS. I've heard such good things about those people too.
And so, this brings us to tonight which was somewhat more interesting. I met a humanist in a junkyard who was being eaten by a zombie. So, naturally I thought I'd help him die with dignity. But alas he resisted! So, I had resolved to just go where the wind took me. Kismet, she always smiles upon me as you are all well aware by now. And Lunchbox of the 308 was more than willing to let me help him. And I was just about to find a nice spot in Raines Hills to retire for the evening when who should I find but the humanist, Capt Winters! And this time, he was much less reluctant. He even ended up saving me a bullet by tripping on some ruins in his haste to get away from the junkyard I imagine.
Ah but I am exhausted. Telling epic stories like this one really does take it out of you. And there's more adventures tomorrow! It just never stops!
And I don't think I could if I tried.
