Killing in the Name

Well it's been an interesting few days. When I last posted, I was already bored with Wyke Hills after only being in town a couple days. I think boredom's thick purple tentacles managed to probe their way into my unconscious mind as that night I had a dream about another realm. I dreamed I was sleeping alone in a gun store in Valhalla and angels and demons were fighting for control of a post-apocalyptic Earth. It was here that a woman by the name of TerminalFailure murdered me with magic. This name of course had been lazing about in my subconscious for some time and I awoke, certain that I'd come into contact with this person once before. But further investigation into this matter was postponed, as during my sleep, the brother of one of my victims sought vengeance. But revives are the fastest they've ever been in Malton. So I decided to look into this matter further rather than wasting my energy searching for Josh Clark, who had a perfectly valid reason for killing me. Though I didn't really appreciate the skyting part. Regardless, I had more on my mind than just couple shells and the tingling chemicals of revivification syrum.

It wasn't until I found the real TerminalFailure in Buckley Mall, that I remembered where I'd seen him before.



It was at a revive point, after hurricaine635 murdered me. TerminalFailure is one of the CDF and has been on my hit list for some time now. I'm not certain but I think he's some sort of head scientist for their organisation. Who knows what these army boys do in their forts? He's a childish sort; recently he was stirring up some trouble with two prominent members of DORIS. This simply would not do.



I learned later that TerminalFailure had killed Tolkien Black Man for reasons unknown. I suspect it was in my place. I have a feeling he'll be bountied soon if he hasn't already.

So I retired to Club Morris where a fellow rummer stopped by to say hi. He was bountied later that night. I tried to look for his killer but to no avail. However I did find someone I'd recently become acquainted with in Lockettside. Oinkler was sitting in the upper-left corner of Buckley when I found him. I beckoned that he come closer.



And finally took care of our unfinished business.



But truely the most fun I've had this week began when I caught a renouned snitch, jesusowns, unawares in the mall.



You'll note that picture was taken by a third party, a person who goes by the name of TheDavibob. I wrangled it from the Rogue's Gallery which I've found to be a rather wonderful resource of entertainment of late.

To thank TheDavibob for posting the wonderful picture of me killing jesusowns, I stopped by Buckley yet again to give him a present.


Unfortunately he replied with hostility and chauvinism, beginning with this report where he appears to be confused about my gender. Straight up, I'm female. Just because I don't flash my breasts at every mall rat in sight, or twirl my hair and pout at every army boy in the fort, I'm certain I'm more female than most of these boys can handle. Just ask LCplHicks, Duke D'œuvre, Jay Kindle, The Dancing Banana, GioV, Suburban Ed or Tolkien Black Man. ;) Besides, most of these townies aren't exactly the most stimulating characters around, so naturally they react with spite and insults to assure themselves that their masculinity is in tact. Either that or they're simply ignorant. Hey, as much as I'd like to claim that I'm flawless, even I make mistakes every now and then. I initally thought Eugenie DeFranval was male. I was most pleased to meet her in person and find out that she is most definitely female.

I believe TheDavibob was merely the second variety, so I gave him a day to think it through. My instincts were maybe a little off as TheDavibob decided to hunt me down at Club Morris. Later on, he posted on the Rogue's Gallery about his accomplishments, again, failing to properly articulate my gender. I then faced a moral dillema. I believe that hunting down someone more than once is futile. Not only does it waste a shit load of ammunition, it also takes time to properly locate and assail one's victim a second time. I know well enough about hunting for sport. After all, many of my victims were selected for commiting an initial faux pas against me or one of my friends before a final and fatal encounter, (much like TerminalFailure, jesusowns and Oinkler though these three didn't make themselves very hard to find.) Common sense, though seemingly in short supply in Malton, is something I tend to rely on a lot. If one doesn't want to die, don't sleep in a populous resource building. If you don't want to die constantly, don't go outside to shoot zombies. If you don't want to be murdered, don't do stupid shit. And chasing down grudges is a waste of time and energy. Anyhow, I wanted to teach TheDavibob a lesson. I wasn't sure how to go about it at first, so I sat and watched him sleep in the mall. Soon I grew tired and allowed him to sleep heavily, safe and ignorant that I'd been revived.

The next day however I'd devised a most delightful plan. I headed over towards the Wyke/Buttonville border and searched the mall, Julie General, the warehouse and the fire station next to Buckley. I found him in the Knapton building. Sleeping apparently. I was still hesitant about my plan and remained alert whilest steadying my right hand to aim and my left to hold the microphone on the radio. Alas, he fled just as I was ready to shoot. Dejected I decided to head back into the mall, where I found some injured townies. I decided to leave them be for the time being and head over to the North West corner of Buckley, just to see who I could see, as I'd been having quite a bit of luck with finding people I'd been meaning to catch up with. This would have been a waste of energy usually but I think you get what you put into it though. If you make an effort to have fun, it will always find you. Kismet and Karma it seems are bountiful and kind in Malton. And in the North Western corner of Buckley Mall I found TheDavibob and began my broadcast. Fortunately, a friend had been monitoring the same station and I was able to get a copy for posterity.


After the initial broadcast I murdered Paxton Smith.

I hopped over to the North Eastern corner and resumed the broadcast.

And murdered Rugs00.

Then announced why Badass Ben had to die:



And dedicated my final kill for the evening to the one thing all females have in common:


And with that, I signed off.

Not willing to give any opportunistic male bounty hunters the satisfaction of taking this murderer's little feminist victory away, I leapt from a window with a massive smile on my face.



Not long after, Duke had words with TheDavibob on a WPKU broadcast.



He wasn't far away after all! I could have kissed him for killing TheDavibob. Unfortunately, in my state, a kiss would have surely infected him.

Incidentally, I'm a little disappointed in the sudden lack of camera skills in the Northern half of Buckley Mall after my little killing spree. If anyone reading this has a shot of the murders, please come forward. You'll be on my "Do Not Kill" list for life. That goes for almost anyone who can provide me personally with shots of my kills. Almost.

I've had a blast these past few days in Wyke Hills and Buttonville and I am sad to have to leave in such a hurry. But once again there is business to attend to in the North West. If all goes well, I may return in a little while. In the meantime here's the original and unabridged recording that that handsome Vandr snagged.



Oh! And a special shout out to Roy Banes from The Spartans who stopped by to wish me well last week. Hopefully we'll meet again amongst more comfortable surroundings.